Do it For Peyton Nicole

written on: 9.20.2022

I never imagined my life would be like this...I replay the past over and over again in my head and wish more than anything that I could go back and do things differently...but I'm slowly learning that looking back is not moving forward & its holding me back from things in my life that I need right now to heal and grow as a woman. As hard as it is to accept that my baby girl is not here with me, I have to move forward knowing & believing that God saved her and saved me from a life we were not meant to live. Peyton & I deserve the best & she is living the best life in Heaven and I'm so thankful that God has her safe in His arms. I know she is watching over me here on earth and I bet she is proud of her mommy, I never knew I was so strong as a woman and I'm so proud of who I am even though I've gone through hell. I tell myself over and over again "Do it for Peyton Nicole". My baby gives me so much life and strength to keep moving on, especially on the days when all I do is cry all day. Never knew my body could flow so many tears...Grieving through the loss of a child is so unbelievable...no words can truly express the pain. I didn't understand "love" fully until I became a mother, love is so real, raw, and beautiful! My heart is so broken and know I have a large stone brick wall in front of me to protect myself from feeling hurt ever again, because this heartbreak from losing Peyton is all I can handle and I'm barely handling it.

I never thought I would be that person with a "box" but here am with the most important box in my house that holds all the little memories & treasures of my baby girl. I placed her everywhere in my home with pictures, and the flowers from her nursery and I try to keep her as close to me as possible...with my bracelet around my wrist. She was inside of me and with me for 8 months and now she's just gone and I can't figure out how...how did this nightmare happen.

Somehow she gives me hope & strength to do what I need to do. But it's so hard....I try to keep her close to my heart... so close and tight. Very day God heals a tiny part of my heart, I'm so proud of the grieving and healing I'm walking through.

Forever and always

"Do it For Peyton Nicole"

Certain parts of my story will never be told, because I never want to relive those horrible days. But I hope this little bit gives someone the strength to know YOU can do it and you can be STRONG and you can be HAPPY again with God's Help! Never doubt what God can do with a broken life when you give Him all the pieces.