Mother's Day

written: 5/23/2023

They say over time things will get easier…I felt like for the first time in the last year in a half that these last few months I was healing, moving forward, thriving, becoming stronger and trusting God more and more…than came Mother’s Day and all the emotions, all the hurt, all the loss, & all the brokenness came rushing into the front of my life and overwhelming my life like a rush of wind and saying it was overwhelming is only an understatement. I pushed people away from me and for that I’m sorry if you were that person or people that I did that too. Life was overwhelming and I couldn’t allow myself to let anyone close to me that week because I couldn’t handle anymore hurt. Selfish I know, but with losing a daughter and dealing with the abuse on top of everything… my life couldn’t handle anything or anyone. I felt terrible for the people that I canceled plans with or pushed away, I called my mom asking her if I was wrong to push people away and she said, “Andrea the right people will still be by your side no matter how hard you push”. and oh how true that is and if you know my mama you know you can get some great wise advice from her.

Losing a child is something I would never wish upon anyone, i remember the first time I got to hold my baby girl and look at her, in that moment I was mad and upset because my baby was supposed to be breathing…I was in shock and couldn’t believe that the baby they were handing me was my baby Peyton. She was beautiful and should be here with me…and with me only. The more and more I heal and grow and grieve the loss, the More God has shown me that He saved me and Peyton from a life that was horrible. Abuse is real and I will probably never write or share my full story but know that if you are with someone that is emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive get out…you can do it, because I did! It still effects my life because healing from abuse is a process that doesn’t have a timeline…and I’m working through my emotions as the right people take care of the legal side of my abuse story and let me just say, I’m so proud of myself!! It takes strength, courage and willingness and an amazing support system from family and friends... in order to step forward and go through the process of legally protecting yourself. its the kind of strength that only comes from God.

I know, that writing through my story of Losing Peyton has healed so many woman’s hearts, because I know I am not the only one who has lost a baby or been abused! It's opening up that truly lets you heal and helps others trust and know that God is working, and He is healing our deepest lost! Knowing Peyton is in heaven with God is the greatest gift He has given me, she is safe, being loved from heaven and from earth by so many people and she is free with Him. I felt so loved on Mother’s Day and God truly made my baby girl feel close to me on that day and every day.

Happy Mother’s Day too all the beautiful mamas out there, you are loved and valued in so many ways!